What am I Feeling?
by x-nabby-x
Summary: James loves Lily. Lily hates James. Sirius loves Milly. Milly hates Sirius. Remus loves Sara BUT Sara does love Remus but they don't tell each other! This is my first fanfic! Please review!
1. Chapter 1: On the Hogwarts Express

**Chapter 1 – On the Hogwarts Express**

Lily's P.O.V.

'Lily!' I turned and saw my two best friends shouting my name. I was waiting by the Hogwarts Express in the station 9 ¾ and couldn't believe this would be my last year in Hogwarts.

'Milly! Sara! I've missed you guys so much! How were your holidays? I asked them both and gave them both a big hug.

'Oh Spain's alright. Not much has changed though. Get's boring after a while but the boys. It's always worth for that.' Sara and I sniggered. Hey! Come on we couldn't help it. 'Anyways, I can't believe this is our last year eh? I mean 6 whole years.' She sighed and I couldn't help but sigh with her. I would miss Hogwarts just like everyone else.

Milly is born and brought up in England and so were her parents but her grandmother and grandfather come from Spain. She had extremely fair skin compared to her brothers who are tanned, but that just helps there look. Milly has fair skin and has chocolate brown eyes and has hair that is a couple of inches above her waist. It shaded different colours and it looks so nice. She's so lucky that it is naturally like that. Her figure is one to die for. Her body is nicely shaped and is practically goggled at by the boys. Hmmm… lucky her.

Sara on the other hand had black hair that goes just past her shoulders and is really curly at the bottom but straight at the top. She also has really fair skin and has a couple of freckles on her nose. She has a HUGE crush on Remus Lupin. All I can say is that they are the best friends anyone could ask for.

We found a compartment and sat down. The first thing Milly said was-

'Sara's been dreaming about Remus again. Talked about him all the way here. _'Have you seen his hair? It's so silky and soft. Hmmm…'_ Honestly, when will this girl learn? It's like she's already felt it.' We all whipped our heads round to see Sara. She just sat and looked down at her feet and we could see her blushing.

'NO!!!' Milly and I shouted at the top of our lungs. We quietened down. Hopefully no one heard that.

'Oh my god Sara did you really go?' I asked her.

'Forget that Lily! Of course she did. Straight to the point. Did you kiss him?' Sara took her time and then finally gave a nod. 'Awwwww! I'm so proud of you Sara. You've finally learnt to grow up and show your true feelings.' She fake sniffed. Oh she's so bloody melodramatic.

'I am so gonna tease you about that all the time now. Hehehe.' OK so not ALL year, but then it would just get old. I know. I'm a mean friend. Hehehe.

'Shut up Lily. At least she isn't denying it. You're in denial of the fact that you're denying your love for _James Potty_.'

'Yeah…' She started sniggering. 'Wait! NO!!! Shut up! That is so not true! Yeah well Milly what about Sirius, huh? What about all the looks you've been getting?' I retorted.

She stopped laughing immediately. 'What looks?' She narrowed her eyes at me.

'Oh you don't know then do you..? Well…' I was stretching it on purpose. Sometimes Milly was very impatient-

'Get on with it WOMAN!!!' –and now was the time.

'Well, you see,' getting straight to the point, partly because I was scared. I didn't want her pulling my hair out. 'In History of Magic, our last lesson of the year I saw, and so did Sara and practically all the other girls that he was staring at you _wistfully_. It was kinda freaky. And you were also getting other looks from the girls that worship Sirius-'

'Ewwww! That's disgusting. I am not homosexual and neither do I plan to be one in the future!'

'No you idiot. The girls were giving you the evils. They looked bloody jealous of you. Pettigrew was even poking his head with a quill but it didn't even make any difference.' This time Sara spoke. She was over her embarrassment and clearly wanted to say something in this.

'Ohhh… I see. Wait! What was Sirius doing?'

'Oh my god Milly! I knew you we slow but not THAT slow.' I told her. She just stared at me but then whacked me. Ouch! Another one and another one. 'Besides you looked and sounded happy that he was staring at you and likes you!' I sniggered and so did Sara. Oh god! Another whacking! Ha! Sara got one to. Oh I got another and another. 'OK! OK! I get the point seriously! Just stop the whacking!' I groaned with the pain on my arm where she hit me, but the next thing I see is not something I want to see.

A certain someone or some _people _have opened our compartment door.


	2. Chapter 2: Day dreaming and He's lost it

**Chapter 2 – Day dreaming and he's definitely lost it.**

James's P.O.V.

I heard a groan from my none other than my gorgeous Lily Evans. I just had to say something witty. Curse my mouth. 'Well my Lily Flower. I didn't know you were so sexually attracted to me.'

Bloody hell! How does she do that? She's stabbing me with daggers using her eyes!

I came into their compartment with my usual gang, Remus and Peter. Sirius went off to find the food trolley. Said he would come soon though.

Remus, good old Remus spoke behind me. 'Hey Lily, Milly and Sara.' I could tell from her sudden change in expression that she preferred Remus out of all of us. Stupid Remus. Stupid old Remus. He was practically a boy version of Lily…OK so maybe not. He's no where near like her except a few minor things like the library, more library and even more library.

I shook my head and came out of my 'trance'. Lily was staring at me! Oh god, Oh god! Wait…calm down. I stared at her but she didn't seem to notice. Oh god! Oh no! Oh no, no, no! I can feel a stupid witty remark coming. Oh I can't help it! Aaggghhhhh!!!!

'Dreaming about me as well, my sweet Lily Flower?' it just rolled off my tongue. Oh bollocks!

She laughed harshly at me. Ohhh she looks sooo cute. I could just-

'Of course Potter.' I grinned widely. 'I always dream of strangling you.'

'So…if I'm not in front of you, you're thinking about me. If I am here then you are thinking about me by looking at me so doesn't that mean that you are thinking about me all the time?' I finish off. Okay…Remus is giving me an I-can't-believe-you-said-something-clever look and Lily, well she was just blank.

'Yeah…' she said working it out slowly. Silly girl. Never say anything if you don't get it. Pretend they didn't say anything. 'Wait, no! I-'

'Prongs mate, Prongs! The trolley!' Oh god. Trust Sirius to ruin the beautiful moment. I hear him snigger though he stops a second later and stiffens up. 'Hello Evans, Johnson and Milly.'

Oh bloody hell! He couldn't have made it more obvious. He might as well ask her out right now.

'Milly, with all my heart-' Oh god, he isn't proposing marriage is he..? 'will you go out with me?'

Milly looks, well…anything like completely freaked out but onto the verge of bursting out laughing- wait? What was that? OK…I'm hearing wheezing…I'm looking down…looking…looking…looking. Oh Merlin's beard (I only use his name rarely. Never use his name in vain…or the beard.) All I can see is Milly and Sara laughing in silent giggles, both red in the face. Lily looks blank (again). Come to think of it, she's doing that quite a lot lately, considering her brain is the size of a boulder. Yep, she's pretty slow today. I swear looking at Sirius's face he's going to be heart broken…but wait? What is this I hear? Are my ears deceiving me? I hear a-

'Yes. Yes I will go out with you.'

The next thing I hear is Sirius screaming down the train corridor. Poor guy. He'd have lost it if she said no, but he's lost it because she's said yes.


	3. Chapter 3: Heartbroken but then Cured

**Chapter 3 – Heart Broken but then Cured**

Remus's P.O.V.

'Oh my f-' started Sirius.

'Watch it Sirius.' I warned him. He's gone crazy but then again she did say yes.

'But Remus. Come on. You know that I'm in love with her, and she actually said yes! I'm in heaven. Really…'

'Right. If you say so but right now I have a life to live…' I didn't catch a word Sirius said but the next thing I saw made me shut my mouth tight. I nudged Sirius in the ribs, he looked round and followed my gaze and saw James, staring out to nothing as though the world was no where to be seen.

'Hey Prongs, mate? Prongs…? You alright?' James just sat there. His breath fogging up the window and slowly evaporating clearing the window, only to be fogged up again. He seemed to be in his own world. 'James? You OK there?' Sirius put his hand on his shoulder. I watched quietly.

'Yeah…I just…' I could tell there was pain in his voice and Sirius seemed to realise that as well. 'Why? Padfoot, Moony? Why do I have to love her? She completely hates me but I still love her. Why…? I just don't get it…' His voice was cracking up and I seriously had to do something.

'James? Don't worry. I've never met anyone like Lily. She's stubborn, in fact really stubborn, but she'll come. Just you wait James Potter. You wait, and she will love you like no other.' I was actually surprised that I said that.

'Yeah…' and off he was again. I decided to leave James to it. The rest of the train ride was spent by Sirius winning all the wizard chess games against Peter and winning all the exploding snap games against him as well while I quietly sat read all the way to Hogwarts. James eventually went to sleep.

---------------------------------

Normal P.O.V.

While all this was happening in Remus's compartment something was going on in Lily's. Well not a lot but then again it was interesting enough for Sara and Milly.

'You love him don't you?' asked Sara.

'No I don't.' replied Lily coolly.

'Yes you do.' Sara would say.

'No I don't.'

'Yes you do'

This went on and on and on and so forth all the way to Hogwarts. Really they just never give up do they?

While they were in the carriages to Hogwarts after coming off the Express Milly finally said, 'GIVE IT A BLOODY BREAK!!! I'M NOT LILY BUT I'M THE ONE GETTING BLOODY ANNOYED!' They shut up after that.

They all filed in the Main Hall and sat down at their tables for each team; Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin.

Something was bugging Milly as the frightened first years got sorted. She seemed to be deep in thought. When the food finally arrived and everyone was about to eat she finally blurted out-

'You do love him don't you?' Milly couldn't help it anymore.

'HA!' screamed Sara. Everyone looked at her except Remus. Not a nice situation to be in. 'Oh…uh. Don't worry uhmm…just go back to uhhh eating…uhmm yeah.' She sat down and looked to Milly still slightly red but never the less looking triumphant. 'Knew you'd come round one day.' Milly and Sara punched their hands together as a way of saying 'respect'.

'So do you?' Milly or Sara would ask, one after the other.

'No.' replied Lily, each time getting more and more agitated.

This lasted for a long time…again.

When the were going through desert they asked-

'You do love him don't you?'

This was the last straw. 'SO WHAT IF I LOVE JAMES -BLOODY- POTTER!?!?' She screamed standing up. Not a nice position to be in (after screaming that sentence)…again. A positively brighter James Potter looked up from his plate.


	4. Chapter 4 Stressed and need Sleep

**Author: I would just like to say that I do not own any of the characters and they all belong to the wonderful JK Rowling. Sorry for taking a bit more time than expected for posting this chapter. I will hopefully have chapter 5 up soon too! Hope you enjoy the story so far. **

**Chapter 4 – Thinking over**

Lily P.O.V.

I did not just say that. OK...calm down. Deep breaths. Just take deep breaths. I see Potter looking at me, and he's grinning at me. It so cute and cheeky. I can almost feel a smile creeping up. I quickly look away. Bollocks! What's wrong with me? I did not just say that, in my mind though (thank god). Anyways, back to the situation now. How could I forget something like this? OK…I'm breathing heavily again. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. So many faces. Too many. I see old wrinkly ones. Oh wait, those are the professors. I take that back. Again so many faces. Maybe I should just run for it. Yes, that would be a good idea. No, then I'd be a coward. I looked down at Sara's and Millie's faces. They were just blank. Great help. Oh forget this. I'll just run for it.

I hoped over the bench, and ran like mad out the doors and down the corridors and up the stairs, travelling up the stairs. The Astronomy Tower. My favourite place out of the whole school. Well, apart from the squishy chair in the Gryffindor Common room and so on. I moved over to the glass-less windows. A cold breeze blew through my hair making it look slightly wind-swept.

Onto the grounds, the moon shone like a carpet, while each star twinkled magically joining up to make different shapes. The forbidden forest like never ending greenery, each different shape a different tree. I always come here if I'm stressed. The wind blew again. I sighed. My first evening and it's been disastrous of my last year. I'll probably get teases and everything. Maybe it'll die down in about a week hopefully…I sighed again. What if I gave James a chance? Maybe he wouldn't be that bad.

I sat down on the ledge and just stared out onto the view, over the grounds and the forbidden forest. I didn't think about anything. I would think of nothing. Just there to relax. Strange thing though. My thoughts, in front of the whole school were actually quite long considering the situation, but actually only lasted for about 2 or 3 seconds. Ah well. Part of life I guess eh? I brushed that thought aside and just sat there for what seemed eternity.

It was quite late now. About 11.45. Maybe I'll leave now and get washed and get some sleep. I dragged my feet across the floor and went across the castle. Some people were still out in the corridors, but were mainly there for just snogging, so thankfully I didn't get noticed. I said the password and walked into the common room. It was quite packed actually and my large squishy chair was taken so I decided to just go straight upstairs, into my dormitory and soon jump into my lovely, warm, cuddly bed.

I got nice and fresh after brushing my teeth and having a shower, but nevertheless a sense of drowsiness came over me so I went into my lovely, warm, cuddly bed all to myself for the whole night and nothing to-

'LILEEEEEY! HERE LILY! LILY, LILY, LILY LILEEEEEY!' Oh god, that was Milly-

'Shut up Milly!' and that Sara telling Milly off. She and I are like the only ones with common sense, but then again, Sara sometimes goes onto Milly's side, _like at dinner_.

Milly pushed the door open making light pour into the room. I scrunched my eyes up at the sudden brightness. 'Do you mind?' I managed to say through my lovely, warm, cuddly-

'Lily! Lileeeeey! I've missed you so much. Dessert was interesting though eh? Eh?' She got no response. She punched me.

'Ow! Bloody hell woman! What's wrong with you!?' I practically screamed the words.

'Oh thank god Lily. Thought I lost you there.' was her reply. God she's so…you know. Ugghhh! 'So what's this about Jamsie Wamsie?' She tends to make up ridiculous nicknames.

'No Milly…' I smile mischievously. 'What about you and Sirius?'

'Yeah, what about you and Sirius? He asked you out and you said _yes_. Sara joined the conversation, slightly late, but then again, like always.

She wasn't embarrassed or anything. In fact she was smiling. She shrugged. 'I thought it would be mean if I said no, but also, I could tell he really meant it, and I don't like breaking peoples hearts.' She ended the last bit too dramatically. I snorted but then became still as I thought it over the words Milly had just spoken. She had said 'yes' to Sirius, because she cared, whether or not they were her friends, but she cared about other peoples feelings. This thoroughly shocked me though.

'You know what Milly? I never thought I'd hear you say that after screaming Lily's name while she was in bed. Oh and by the way, you and I were laughing our heads off. How on earth did you know Sirius was being serious?' and that was Sara.

I giggled. 'Get it. Sirius and serious.' They're not laughing. Why are they not laughing?

'Lily that was the oldest joke ever made about Sirius's name.' I gave her a glare and she quickly added 'But then again that _was_ classic.' She laughed nervously and Milly nodded like a puppy. Her eyes big and cute.

'But anyways back to my question. How did you know he was being…' she didn't use the word so I didn't get to giggle, and the boring cycle did not have to start again.

'Occlumency, my dear friend. Occlumency. My father made me learn it when I was eight. And not only that, but made me get classes for a whole 3 years by an auror to become an Animagus. Gave me too much pressure that man. But then again it is quite handy.'

'Whatever Milly. Right now let me get some sleep. Today's been quite eventful for me and I'm guessing that so is tomorrow. Well goodnight then.' Milly and Sara gave me a hug and I gave them one back.

Offing the light I went back into the refuge of my bed covers, I couldn't help but think about what Milly had said. James had asked me out so many times, and he had been serious about it. What if I gave him a chance? Just, _what if?_

I began to doze again and finally went to sleep, after quite some time.

The next day awaits me.


	5. Chapter 5 The Next Day

**A/N: Hey everyone! My next chapter. I know how many hits I've got but I've not been getting many or in fact any reviews! Really love it if you could! Love you all! –x-nabby-x-**

**Chapter 5 – The Next Day**

James's P.O.V.

'My dear friend! Charming day today! I say how about by the lake to enjoy the gorgeous view.' Why must he do this every year?

'Sirius,' my voice muffled with the duvet. 'We've got school today.'

'Noooooo! We have been overshadowed by the evil plans of Professor Dumblydo- Ow! What the hell man?'

'That's better.' Remus stood there ready and dressed with his notepad. Remus stood there in his uniform ready and dressed. He had whacked Sirius on the head with a pillow. 'It's 6.15 James. Get up. Sirius wants to go by the lake and so do I. Peter's ready too.

'Uhhh…where is he?' I asked uncertainly. It's a mere fact that you can get lost under all my rubbish. My goodness. Did I say rubbish? I meant clothes. He's also kind of little. You could easily miss him. Poor boy might have got lost under all the stuff surrounding me.

'BOOO!' Apparently not.

'WAHHHH!' I had gotten freaked out by none other than Peter Pettigrew, the smallest of us all. Bugger. 'Peter. Do not do that again. It's too early in the morning. Good one though. Now back to the refuge of my bed.' I snuggled back inside. Peter was laughing and so were Sirius and Remus.

'What's so funny?'

'You scream like a girl.'

I stopped and thought it over. I actually might do. What am I saying? Oh, it's too early in the morning.

'Whatever.' My answer. Great come back Prongs.

'James. Get up. We want to go and I know you will too.' Remus whipped the bed covers off me.

'And that would be because you're dear fair maiden is there.'

Ahhhh! I jump out of bed and look out of the window. Ahhh (in a relieved and calm way)…There she is. The wind blowing in her face. Her hair wind-swept. I ran a hand through my hair. I saw Milly and Sara there. I stroke my chin. 'Padfoot, is there by any chance that because Milly is there you'd like to go? And the same for Sara to you Remus?'

They both noticeably brighten on the spot. Peter starts chortling and Sirius whacks him on the back of his head.

'Well…?'

'Oh fine. Yes that is partly it. BUT I also want to annoy the squid. Great guy he is.' Sirius goes into a moment of thought. 'Do you think he has sex?'

'What if the squids a girl?' Peter piped up.

I went off into the bathroom but could still hear Remus speaking, 'Hey Sirius. Are you sure about Milly and Sara? I mean you've never really stuck with a girl for more than a week or 2.' His voice sounded concerned.

'Don't worry Remus. I've got it all sorted out.' From Sirius's voice I could tell there as more.

'When you asked her out, it kind of popped out and when you did realise you had asked her, let's say you weren't expecting a 'yes'.' My goodness. Wormtail actually say something relevant to the point.

'Yeah…you could say that. Oh Moony! Wormtail! What am I going to do? I mean this is the first time I actually feel nervous around a girl before.' He sighed.

'Just act normal around her. You know…Your crazy self. Trust me. I, out of all of us, most likely know her the most. She's so like you. Her family and I are old family friends, since we were born. I went to her house when we were both 8. Do you know what she did? She blew up a toilet and set the master bedroom on fire. That girl is really crazy. And in our second year she was the one that flooded the second floor corridor.'

'Wow…Wait a second Moonykins. SHE IS SO NOT LIKE ME. I mean I am unique.' Even from in the bathroom I wouldn't be surprised to see Sirius flick his hair flirtatiously. 'Hang on there Moony. You mean she flooded the _whole _charms corridor. That's like the biggest corridor. Woah…what was her punishment then? A whole year in detention on Saturdays or something?'

I finally came out of the bathroom having gone to the toilet to relieve myself, brushing my teeth and showering.

'Well we can finally leave.' Remus said. 'Oh and Sirius. She blamed it on you.'

'Damn…she's good innit Moony?'

We walked out of the out of the castle at about 6.35. On the way there Peter got stuck in the trick step…again (sigh). When will that boy learn?

'OK Moony. You helped Padfoot. Now me! What should I do for Lily?' I grinned at him.

'Uhhh, how about this? DO NOT ACT NORMAL AROUND HER.' My face fell.

'But that's not fair,' I whined. 'Sirius gets to be normal. Why not me?' I carried on whinging.

'Because Milly is like Sirius. Both stupid. Ouch! Sirius!'

'Serves you right. Calling my girlfriend stupid.' I snorted.

'_Girlfriend?'_

He hit me. Stupid boy. At least she actually likes me. I asked her out and she sad yes. Unlike me, you have been turned down by Lily so far, by as many times as you have asked her out.'

Ouch! Mental note: never make fun of Sirius's _girlfriend_.

'Yes well as I was saying. Both stupid-' another whack from Sirius. 'You called her stupid. Wait. You called me stupid. Me Moony? Me? How could you?' He held his hand at his heart as though Remus had stabbed him in the heart.

Peter finally spoke, 'Quite easily actually.' And he got a whacking from Sirius too. 'Touchy.'

'Anyways, back to my problem. Remus, I am disappointed with you. Why must I not act normal?'

'Because James, she hates it when you boast about Quidditch. When you boast about Gryffindor always winning the matches you're in. How you try to impress her with that snitch, which in fact I am about to take off you now.' He held his hand out expectantly. I gave him a staring contest. I gave in and he won. I dug _my_ hand into _my_ pocket and got out _my_ snitch and put it into _Remus's_ hand.

'Goodbye, dear snitch. I cannot use you today, but do not worry. You're time shall come again.' I scowled at Remus and he sighed.

'You can play with it in our dormitory after school.' I grinned at him and became a happy bunny again.

'Just remember James. You are not a happy bunny. Nor are you a bunny at all.' Does he read peoples thoughts or something? Or is it that I am so predictable? I hope neither.

'Let's get going please. I want to see the squid.' Sirius said all of a sudden. I sniggered and Peter said, 'Since when did Milly turn into a squid?' Sirius went to whack him but Peter dodged him. He's getting better and better. If only his looks would eh? Ah well that's life.

Out into the open it was actually quite cool, even though the sun was shining. I saw Lily sitting there, by the rocks near the lake, laughing with her friends. Her elegant fingers brushing against the stone. Her red hair flying, her green eyes twinkling in delight.

I told Sirius to go first. Then I would go with Peter and act as though I'm trying to find Sirius. Then I would see Lily and hopefully it will go well from there. To make it more realistic Remus would come later on his own saying he had been in the library and was looking for us. OK…here goes.

**A/N: Review! Review! Review! Please! It would be so nice of you guys to just review! I accept review from everyone!**


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